Glad it's over

I wanted to thank all of my friends who came to my side on March 22. I needed you and you were there... I am touched that you remembered my baby on this very hard day for John and I. I didn't want him forgotten. And even as I write this I am filled with emotions, some glad that I made it through, some sad that this happens to families, some joyous to move toward healing and some just plain numb. I am glad to be at a point where I can stop thinking every moment about our ultrasound and start thinking about planning our next move.
Thursday, I took my first personal day ever. I did nothing for others, I didn't answer calls, didn't get the mail, didn't clean, cook or vacuum; and sort of got dressed. I kept Chastin home from school to enjoy a day of just being. We mapped out our day to go something like this - Walmart in Marysville (upon Kelly's recommendation to check it out) Sam's club to waste time and then to Sky nursery for our tree for the baby. John pulled out all the stops known to man to keep me distracted. Bless his heart. I still couldn't shake the fact that I was scheduled to be having a c- section at 6:00 am, that I shouldn't be home, I should be filled with joy, surrounded by family cooing over our new precious little baby. I wanted to be there, not here!
As the day wore on I ate all the chocolate that Kelly had brought by to help put me in a chocolate comma. It worked!! I dug in the front flower beds with Shilo and planted bulbs we picked up at Sam's club. Then hung out in fresh p.j's and finished off my day with Baskin Robbins chocolate peanut butter ice cream. Over all I shed very few tears and felt really optimistic. I feel as though the whole experience has drawn John and I closer-stronger, we have seen sides of each other that I don't feel we would have seen in any other way. My testimony has grown by leaps and bounds. The out pouring of love and support that my family has received is unmeasurable, and we are truly thankful for you. For all the tissues you have loaned, the meals you have cooked, the flowers and plants you have brought, the tears you have shed with me to the cards you have sent, to the shoulder I could cry on; to the distractions, words of support and listening ears you have given me, I am, so thankful for you and am moved by your love for me. When I feel that the road is ruff and life is being unfair I know that I have you to turn to. Thank you....


About our tree- it is a Black Tulip Magnolia. It is a new breed that has come out. The flowers are like giant tulip heads that are a deep purple hue.(one of my favorite colors) It is beautiful!The man at the nursery helped us pick the strongest tree they had, and one of the only ones to have blooms already. We planted it in the front yard on the corner of the lot. It should grow to be 15-20feet tall, and will bloom every year around this time. I felt like that was important, to have something beautiful to look forward to each spring.

So now as things stand, my sweet spirited Chastin is having the hardest time of all. He cries almost nightly, he is such a sensitive child. Our approach has been listening, then positive conversations, then pointing his mind in another direction.. like where we should go on vacation or what should we plant in our garden this year? It seems to help.

I would like to especially thank Paige for being understanding and providing me with positive stories of similar situations, for helping me look for the lesson in this and helping me to see that life will go on. And for remembering us on our day, with a beautiful note and happy sign.
My most sincere thanks,

Also a thank you to Kelly, who rushed to my side day and night, the day of the ultrasound to the day before the surgery (delivery) to days, and weeks and longer after.Who listened to my endless crying and gave me endless tissues and hugs. Who called to check on me while she was on vacation with her husband. It really meant a lot to me...Thank you for your encouraging words and smiling face. I am grateful for your support.

Now if your anything like myself you'll find yourself teary eyed, but don't be. We are blessed and thankful for the two (sometimes four) beautiful children we have that bring us joy and love every day..