life

While I see everyone else as happy, and having a nice three day weekend with their families, I have to stay home, in bed and let my meds take over. I am having a miscarriage. Once again I feel defeated. I feel alone, even though I know I'm not. I thought after the last babies death, there is no way this could happen to me again. The doctors did say that this was a possibility, so I was a little more cautious. I have to say that this time it is different. I was closely monitored, weekly ultrasounds, two times a week blood tests, and a doctors appointment every week. Yet all things to no avail. I am yet again left with the empty feeling of what was to be.The good news is that this time we found out eight weeks into the pregnancy, not 22 weeks. I didn't tell Chastin or Shilo so I could hopefully save them some hurt. They just know that I wasn't feeling well and that the doctors are making my stomach and fever feel better. It is easier this way I have to say, still not any fun, but easier to handle. I got to come home after the doctors, change into pj's (my favorite things on earth) take my pills to help with the process, and go to sleep (another one of my favorite things).

This is not a sympathy post. So I hope it doesn't come across that way.

A whopping thirty percent of pregnancy's and in miscarriage. That's a ton.

I wish people didn't have to go through this. I feel bad, like this is what our bodies are meant to do, so why does it sometimes not work. Why can some never have children, why can some have children and then not be able to have any more? How is it that some just think of getting pregnant and do, how do some just float through pregnancy time after time. Like my friend Evian, seven kids- no problemo.My house cleaner too- seven, no problem.

The pharmacist who gave me my prescriptions was so understanding, she knew what the medications were for and started to cry. She could feel my pain. It was if I didn't even need to say anything she just understood.

She told me she had had a similar experience, two miscarriages, then the birth of her two kids. And she had the most amazingly soothing voice, she touched my heart. There are perfect strangers out there who really do care. She told me about what to expect from the drugs because she had gone through this herself. I was truly thankful for her courage.

She could have kept to herself; I'm glad she didn't.

I am sorry to Paige that I can't come meet Sommer yet,
Sorry to Lauren for having a stranger call you about teaching 30 min. meals,
Sorry to the people I work for, for canceling on them on Friday after we had been to the doctors office and got our news,
Sorry to all you who aren't going to get through when you call- all ringers are off.
Sorry to my two sisters in law, I hope that I didn't ruin your weekends, I know you had fun things planned to do with your families, and I didn't want you to worry about us all weekend.
I am thankful to Emily for taking my kids on short notice even though it was her birthday.
Thank you to my mom in law for feeding us, keeping the kids whenever we needed and telling me her story of miscarriage.
Thank you to Sarah, my specialist, who prepared me for the news two weeks in advance, then shared her story with me on Friday.
Thank you to my husband- words can't describe how thankful I am to have your support and love through this again.I know it's hard on you too, and you tend to be forgotten during times like this.

The strangest thing about this whole deal is that I wasn't even trying to get pregnant, but isn't it funny how once you are, you really want it. So my father in law, who is by far one of the best men I have ever had the privilege of knowing always knows how to make me smile. He says to me about a week or so ago, "well you know, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. So you better plan on going back to get the baby around mid April" I still just smile thinking about that. Maybe what happens in Vegas really does stay in Vegas!

So I am off to go back to bed. My heating pad and I have a date with season six of Everybody loves Raymond!
Take care.

THE SEQUOIAS

SEQUOIA NATIONAL PARK
I have always been one to enjoy nature, and I am glad to have this beautiful world to share with my children. As a child I spent my summers here in Washington with my grandparents and they took me to all sorts of beautiful national monuments, deserts, and parks up and down Washington, Oregon and California. This was a park I had yet to see, so I was glad John and I got to experience it together.
I grew to have a great appreciation for the beauty that man cannot make. I hope to teach my kids the importance of taking care of this world and taking pride in what has been created for us to enjoy.
If you ever get a chance to see the Sequoia's for yourself, I would strongly suggest to spend the day in their beauty. And if you have already seen them, you know the feeling you get when you stand in their presents.


My kiddos on a fallen SEQUOIA, these trees are amazing!











A giant pine cone we found at the park. I think it is just beautiful, where else are you going to see such a wonderful piece of nature...


The view from the forest floor, the trees remind me that I am just a small being in this world.

The Mohlman Clan

Well today after church I had the privilege of heading down to the Edmonds Marina and sharing an afternoon of fun with the Mohlman Family. I grew up with the Mohlman's kids, and in a weird twist of fate my husband went to school with Shawn and Teri, the two oldest of Marian & Dave's five. Anyway, it was a total hoot! I left feeling like they had the coolest family ever! Just like I felt when I was a kid!

What I remember about Lane- who spent a lot of time with Denae and me, playing really what ever we wanted to, he would play school with us and be the teacher, or help us build a fort out of free doors from North City lumber,{ I wonder what my grandpa ever did with all those doors we brought home?} he would even play dress up with us in my grandparents old clothes.
I remember when Shawn and his wife met and were married, I remember thinking how neat it was that his wife's name is Shawna. Now they are Shawn & Shawna..

I can remember when Teri met her husband in Australia, and he courted her even after she came home, with the sending of many long stem red roses.

Denae and I spent long lazy summers together as kids, I remember buying bathing suits for a few cents at Saint Vincent De Pauls, where my grandmother worked, so we wouldn't have to wait for our used ones to dry before we could run through the sprinkler again, and I remember us making mini pizzas out of english muffins and serving them to each other like we worked in a restaurant.

I can recall JoLynn going out to eat on a Friday night with her girlfriends at Red Robbin, and eating her leftovers in the morning at he breakfast table. I remember thinking how cool of a restaurant she was telling Denae and me about, and that "no, we couldn't eat her fries" haha.

I remember, Marian & Dave dancing in the living room to slow songs when he would come home from work, and oh I wanted to be like that one day, and them taking weekend getaways- just the two of them. {smart people they are}. I was grateful for the always warm welcome I received as a little girl in their homes and their lives. It was my pleasure to take their family photos for them, and I hope they are pleased with the outcome. Thank you Mohlmans for showing me a great example of family and love to live by, when I was a little girl to again today.

The Camping Mom

Every year for our kids Birthdays they get to choose an experience. In years past it has been a new zoo, or riding the ducks in downtown, going to Champs racing or seeing an Imax. It just has to be something we haven't done before that we can all enjoy to some extent. Of course we don't always dig some of the things that the other ones choose, but then again, it's not our Birthday! This year Jordan wanted to go camping with her friends, so long story short, it was going to be me and the girls in a K.O.A kamping kabin. Well I couldn't find one that would sleep 6 so we went with plan B- the woods. Which meant that now John was roped into going with us, because somebody had to set up the tent, cook and tear down camp; and it wasn't going to be ME! O.K it wasn't nearly as bad as drop camping, because it was a State park, but it wasn't comfy camping, where you have a pool and showers and you can stay up latter and be noisy. The park rangers came by to tell us that our whispers were carrying through the woods and we needed to let the animals sleep. Now you can just imagine telling this little 'sleepy animals' story to a bunch of 12 year olds, so when they mentioned that most forest animals don't sleep at night and that there weren't any other campers staying near us, the ranger didn't really have a leg to stand on.
So our adventure was a lesson in patience, and that if I was ever to have twin girls my life would NEVER be quite again. The girls sang, danced, called boys to yell at them about how stupid they are, ran around on the ferry like crazy people, and did a whole lot of giggling!
Something I was really excited about was using "The Malocm Van" as it's referred among our friends. It seats 15, so the girls sat in the WAY back and I could hardly hear them squealing. I was so glad that they had a good time! She wants to do this again next year, (but in a K.O.A) and we look forward to spending time with her and her friends and watching them all grow up and form life long bonds.

jordan, kenedee, hanna & chelsey on the ferry

hanna & chelsea roll to get the air out of the mattress

I'm glad Jordan enjoys spending time with me, I feel like we are more friends than mother daughter sometimes. And for that I am grateful.

VIVA LAS VEGAS

Las Vegas Rocked!

• We stayed up till 4am!
• Went to the M&M store, it is huge!
• Saw everything we could!
• The coca cola store was awesome too! They have everything coca cola you can think of!
• Walked 10 miles on the first day - then we discovered the Deuce - a.k.a tourist transportation.
• The temp. was 110-112! I love HOT!!!

Our first day we saw the dolphins at the Mirage hotel, they were so cute & so close to us!

Us at one of many hotels! This bench is made of pad locks and bottle tops! Weird! Ate at the Buffets, ate at the Buffets, then ate at some more Buffets!!! Yummmo! Treasure Island had the best buffet, we thought. We had to try all of the desserts. Here we have mini pecan pie, pink cherry cupcake, lemon meringue pie, chocolate gellato, triple choc. cupcake, mini cherry pie, carrot cupcake & angel food cake with fresh berries. We were so full from dinner that we just had a few bites of each, which was really hard because they were SO good!!!
We had thought of getting married again- by Elvis this time, but we decided to just have our picture taken under the little white wedding chapel arch. It was fun to just be the two of us for a while. In all the time John & I have been ' John & Torrie' {close to 10 years} we have been alone for 8 days in Hawaii in 2001, 8 days in the Bahamas in 2005, and now 3 days in Vegas. I was so thrilled to have this time with my hubby to reconnect, talk to each other {without kids interrupting} and just catch up on life. I was glad to see that we still have the same dreams, goals and aspirations for our life together. We really needed this time together to catch our breath and enjoy a new experience.

• Saw the treasure island pirate show
• Watched the Bilagio fountain, music and lights show! It was very romantic.
• Went to the Fremont light show, we just saw the tail end of it though.
• John won big at black jack! Congrats to him!

My sweet sweet husband surprised me with a spontaneous trip to Sin city with less than 48 hours of notice!

And he wasn't going to even give me that much!

I was booking a scrap class for Jordan when he said " you have to stop signing the kids up for things!"

I asked why, which Idon't think I'll do next time, any way, he says "you'll be in Vegas! we leave on Tuesday! I took care of everything."

Well he did! All my nanny families were taken care of, our kids were taken care of, I was taken care of!

What a great Husband!

SPONTANEOUS WEEKEND

Friday Night Comes Around.

5:30 wife started to think up a plan

"Why don't we get out of town tonight?" wife says to husband over the phone

' What has she got cooked up?' he must think...{ yet knows better than to argue with wife}

"I know! Silverwood in Idaho!"

"I'll call and get a hotel, pack the stuff and we'll keep it a secret!" wife says with enthusiasm

"It's a plan! I'll head home now and we can leave when you get off work at 6:30" husband rushes home

Wife sends kids to grandma and grandpas house across the street, to secretly put bags in the car.

PLAN WORKS!

Kids have no idea, they think mom wants to go for a drive and are overjoyed at the fact that they get to watch a movie for the ride.

12:30 comes around, family pulls into hotel in Spokane , two kids are asleep in the back

8:30am Saturday morning rolls around- kids want to swim at hotel, mom wants to keep driving, kids pout

10:30 family passes by small water slide park, kids want to stop and play- mom says no, she wants to keep driving, kids cry, they think they are in Chelan

Kids get over it and continue to watch the movie

Family drives up to Silverwood parking lot

Mom takes pictures of excited kids!

Kids have a Great Time!

Parents have a Great time!

Everyone is Happy!

Everyone is tuckered out...

What a GREAT weekend!

happy 12th birthday jordan

I made these cup cake ice cream cones

and brought them into her class on

Monday to celebrate!

We figured this was as close to having her birthday

in school as we were going to get.

I made mint flavored cake to bake in the cones,

then frosted them with dark chocolate frosting,

and topped them with green mint chips!

YummO!

She was the star of the show passing these babies out!

All of her classmates thought we brought in ice cream cones,

till she handed them a cone full of cake!

What fun we had!

I'm glad that she invited me to make this special

treat for her class and share in her day!

Thanks Bug!

I love You!

~Mudda~